


I Hide Behind My Mouth

by Crashthefandoms



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: American Sign Language, Deaf Character, Deaf Culture, Gen, deaf tyler joseph
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-07-19 01:30:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7339048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crashthefandoms/pseuds/Crashthefandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler and Josh have been traveling around the globe on their tour, but Tyler realizes he's slowly starting to lose his hearing.</p><p>Somehow in the middle of a tour, he has to learn how to adapt to this</p><p>And along the way he'll learn and experience a new culture and language, a new perspective that'll make him a better artist, performer, and person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler has been dealing with doubts for weeks, but chose to keep them secret. He was in denial, it couldn't be true. It couldn't happen to him.
> 
> But eventually it caught up with him as it progressively got worse, and he had to come clean.

tyler..

tyler...

~~Hey Tyler...~~

"Tyler? Hello? Anyone there?"

"Huh? Josh?" Tyler glanced down at the bed under his on the tour bus. It was his pink-haired best friend, Josh Dun.

"You alright? I've been trying to get your attention for a few minutes." Josh looked up with a look of worry.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired is all, what's up?" Tyler hopped off the bed and went to the kitchen area of the tour bus and grabbed two bags of chips, tossing one to Josh.

"We're arriving in Buffalo in an hour. Michael wanted me to tell you." Josh stood up and munched on the potato chips, his usual smile in full display, even if it included a few crumbs around his lips.

"Oh, sweet. Thanks." Tyler sat down on the sofa and watched the scenery outside as it passed by.

Everyone in each of the tour buses had their minds focused on the tour itself, but Tyler was preoccupied with something that had been bothering him the last couple of weeks. He hadn't told anyone about it, not even Josh or Jenna. Fortunately, it hadn't affected their shows on the tour so far, but it was bound to catch up with him at some point. Just the sound check a few days ago was one of a few examples. I mean, sure, a few times he might mess up the pitch or the volume of his singing during the sound checks and practices, but lately he's been messing up more frequently.

"Hey, Tyler, can we talk?" Josh sat down next to him and glanced at the window before looking at Tyler, recognizing all too well that look on his face. Tyler was obviously concerned about something, but no matter how hard Josh tried, he couldn't get him to open up about it. "The last few practices and sound checks, I know they haven't been your best, but you've still done great during the shows. Don't let those few mess-ups bring you down, alright? You're a great singer, better than me. That's why I'm the drummer, because if I had to sing," Josh chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "well, let's just say no one would want to show up."

Tyler's lips tugged into a smile as he chuckled softly at his friend's attempt to cheer him up.

Josh's smile widened after seeing he achieved victory. "....ee....thing...wor...out"

"W-what?" Tyler's eyebrow arched and he shook his head. Did he zone out? He must have, but still, it was like everything was underwater. "Say that again?"

"I said, see? there's nothing to worry about!" Josh clapped his hand on Tyler's shoulder before standing up. "I'm going to hit up the fridge, chips just aren't satisfying my hunger. Want anything?"

"No thanks, I'm good." His eyes shifted back towards the window. It looked almost as if they hadn't even moved since he last looked out the window, the scenery was still the same. There were the same cars driving by, the same color sky, the same clouds drifting above, the same trees.

"Hey Josh, can you please turn down your music? I know you love heavy metal to concentrate, but you're going to burst your eardrums at that volume!" Tyler gripped his head with his hands, the pain was almost unbearable.

"Dude, I'm not even listening to music." Josh was scavenging through the fridge, not noticing Tyler was in pain.

Tyler didn't even hear him though, unless Josh said _riiiinnnngggg_ that felt like a drill constantly penetrating his skull.

"Tyler? Did you even hear me?" Josh stood up from the fridge and smiled "There's a sandwich with my name on it!"

"Josh, you made that sandwich for yourself yesterday." Michael called out from the front of the bus.

"I-I did?"

" _Yes!"_ The whole bus yelled in unison.

Well, the whole bus minus Tyler.

At this point Josh had noticed Tyler clutching his head in obvious agony and dropped his sandwich without a moment's hesitation and ran over to the couch his best friend was on.

"Tyler?! What's wrong?!"

But Tyler didn't respond, not that he didn't want to, but his eyes were closed shut straining against the exploding pain in his skull. Michael and Jenna rushed over to Tyler as well, all three of them were confused and worried. 

Tyler felt a hand on his wrist, it was a familiar and careful touch, familiar enough to encourage him to look up and at the face of his wife.

Jenna's mouth moved.

"..."

Josh was talking as well, "...."

_ring_

_ring_

_ring_

_ring_

_buzzzz_

_buzzzz_

_buzzzz_

"Tyl....ca...o...er....e?"

"Tyler.. ca... you... ear... me?"

"Tyler..can..you hear...m..e?"

"Tyler! Can you hear me?!"

The ringing and buzzing in his skull slowly dissipated from his mind, but there was still something off about his hearing. It was quieter, more suppressed.

"What was that? Are you okay?" Jenna took his hands into hers.

"Okay, Tyler, we're half an hour away from Buffalo, and everyone knows you've been keeping whatever this is to yourself for the past couple of weeks." Michael sighed laying a hand on Tyler's shoulder. "What's going on?"

Josh was to his left, his worried puppy-dog face now present. He always worried about Tyler, and usually he loved it when he did, but this time he hated it. Jenna was in front of him holding his hands and trying to smile reassuringly, but her eyes gave her deception away. Michael was sitting to his right staring at him waiting for an answer.

Tyler didn't want to do it.

He couldn't bear to admit the truth, his fears.

 _ **"Without this, what are you? Worthless. Useless. Handicapped. Disabled."**_ Blurryface resounded his two-cents in Tyler's mind.

But he couldn't keep this a secret any longer.

"I'm coming clean.." Tyler gulped and looked down at his feet, pulling his hands away from Jenna's. "I'm losing my hearing."

"That's not so bad, right?" Josh asked, trying to bring the optimism to the party.

"I can't hear differences in pitches anymore, everything is quieter, everything sounds like it's underwater. Sometimes I get this high pitched ringing in my skull and it hurts!"

"We can work around this, Tyler, it's probably just a temporary thing. You have been on a tour, y'know, there's hardly a quiet moment, it's all loud." Michael stated trying to cheer up Tyler.

"No, no it's more than that."

"How so, sweetie?" Jenna tilted her head to look at her husband.

"Sometimes.."

"Sometimes.. I can't hear my own voice. Or any of yours."

Tyler felt trapped, he felt useless, he felt worthless. Music was his passion, without it, what could he do? How was he going to fix this in the middle of a tour?!

"Y'know, Tyler," Michael started. "I have an idea, I got a message from a fan on reddit before our show in Toronto and-"

"We're here at the hotel!" The tour bus driver called out, cutting off Michael.

They all slowly made their way out of the bus, but Tyler was emotionless, he was stunned. He still saw the same sky, the same cars, the same trees and birds.

But now he heard nothing.

Dead silence.


	2. We're All Broken People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've been settled at Buffalo and practicing, with a few stumbles from Tyler. But he's been reassured that he's still doing a great job.
> 
> The show at Buffalo was underway. But there's a unique sight within the crowd that for some reason resonated in Tyler's mind after the show.

Tyler looked in the mirror inside his trailer, adjusting his red blazer and black tie. He still looked the same as before, of course, but he still couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something different. Something _wrong_ with him. He was about to perform in front of hundreds, perhaps thousands of fans, all of whom had been standing in line pretty much all day. What if he messed up? He couldn't bear the thought of disappointing everyone out there. He heard a slight muffled knocking, but he dismissed it as being in his head, another side effect of him going deaf.

But it wasn't in his head. "Tyler, you ready, man?" Josh was outside knocking on his door. Yet, after a minute of solid knocking and some added drum beats to the knocks, there was no response. Slowly, he opened the door and stepped inside the trailer. Tyler's back was to him, adjusting his appearance in the mirror.

....ler...t...o

ty...ler....gott...go

... _ring....riiinnnggg......_

Tyler's world was quickly submerged underwater, or at least that's what it sounded like. He jumped, startled, when Josh rested his hand on his shoulder. "Is it getting any better..?" He asked solemnly. Tyler's response was a silent shake of his head. "Well, maybe some music on stage will help?" Josh had no idea what he was talking about, his logic didn't make any sense. Loud noise for two hours was going to fix him? But just Josh's attempt to cheer him up and be there for him was enough for Tyler. They both exited the trailer, both donned in their red suits and make-up. With Tyler's hearing diminished, he began to notice things he hadn't before. Like Josh's hair for example, the pink was faded by now, but it still had a way of complimenting the red suit. He then noticed Josh's gait, the way he carried himself. It was almost in a carefree and fun manner. He was just happy to be here, doing what he loved with his friends.

They turned around and saw one of the crew smiling at them with a camera. Tyler immediately posed for it. "Guys, it's a video." The cameraman called out from behind his camera. Josh, quickly glancing at Tyler and realizing he didn't notice, quickly posed alongside his best-friend. He didn't want Tyler to be embarrassed, and he knew he only trusted a few of them with his hearing issue, so Josh decided to play along as if they were both joking around. The cameraman raised an eyebrow, but shrugged it off as the two of them being their goofy selves.

"Did you get it?" Tyler asked with a smile, before turning around and walking behind the trailers with Josh. After a few steps they both turned around and posed. This time Tyler was doing a peace sign. Then they both smiled and walked a bit more before turning around again and posing. It took them five minutes just to get to the stage with how much they were goofing around with the camera. Tyler thought it was just the camera crew goofing around with them and taking a bunch of pictures, but in reality it was just Josh making it appear that way.

Both Josh and Tyler made their way up the stairs and into backstage. Michael tracked them down, smiling at his two friends. He was honored to be helping them on this summer tour. "..............." Michael's mouth moved, but Tyler missed every single syllable that floated out.

" **WHAT?"** Tyler asked calmly. But to Michael, Josh, and all the crew behind stage that stopped and stared at Tyler, it wasn't calm at all. Yeah, they were all used to Tyler screaming in his songs, but usually in conversation his voice was controlled and almost quiet, but in a confident way. " **WHY IS EVERYONE STARING?"** To Tyler his voice sounded absolutely normal, albeit a bit muffled, but normal volume at least.

"I uh.. I dared him, guys!" Josh reassured everyone with a chuckle and a clap on Tyler's back. "Yeah, I dared him to yell everything he said for the day."

"Just make sure his voice doesn't wear out before the show even starts!" One crew member called out, followed by a scattered chuckle amongst everyone, and then they all resumed prepping for the show.

"Tyler," Michael pulled Tyler aside and spoke slowly, loudly, and clearly. "MARK.. WANTED... ME TO... TELL.." But he was quickly cut off by Tyler. "You do realize you look kind of ridiculous like that, right?" He couldn't help but laugh softly. "It doesn't even help. It's okay now though, my hearing is improving a bit for the moment."

"Oh, right." Michael rubbed his neck embarrassingly. "Anyways, Mark wanted me to tell you guys that the music video for Heathens was uploaded on YouTube a few minutes ago."

"Sweet!" Tyler and Josh high-fived. "How's the crowd out there?" Tyler asked, a nervousness evident in his tone.

"Well, just listen to them for yourself!"

"Uh... Michael?"

"Yeah, Tyler?"

"Isn't there usually like a pit right near the stage?"

"Yeah.. why?"

"Why does it sound like the nearest people are a block away?"

"Oh, crap, Tyler, I'm sorry, I'm still trying to get used to this.."

"You and me both.." Tyler sighed, looking down at his fresh black converse and red socks.

"If I may ask.. What does it sound like..?" Michael was standing right in front of Tyler, so it was easy enough to understand.

"Everyone out there, everyone waiting for us, they just sound like little whispers in the distance.. And my thoughts.. they're constantly interrupted by a dull ringing in my head. Sometimes it lasts a few seconds to a few minutes. Only a couple of times has it hurt."

Josh frowned, crouching down so he could look at Tyler's face, which was still pointed down at the ground in shame. "We can always cancel the show, man. Your health means more."

All Tyler was focused on was his pitch-black shoes. If hearing could be visual, his shoes would be his hearing. Pitch-black and dark, absolutely null and void of any color or existence. It was exactly like living in black and white, like someone spun him around and drained all the color and shine out his life. Until Josh's face appeared into view. Ever since Tyler opened up about his hearing, Josh was there for him. And just like Josh was there for him, Tyler was going to be there for his fans. He wasn't about to let his fears, his doubts, steer him away.

"No." Tyler looked up, pulling the iconic ski-mask out of his pocket. "I can do this. You ready, Josh?"

"I'm ready if you are, Ty." Josh's eyes squinted with his all too familiar smile.

_ring_

_ring_

_ring_

_riiinnnggg_

**_ring_ **

**_RING_ **

**_RIIINNNGGGGGG_ **

Tyler tried to push the ringing sound in the back of his mind, pulling on the ski-mask, effectively cutting off what little hearing he had. Everything was muffled ten times now.

But, he had a show to perform. And as soon as he walked out onto that stage, seeing all those faces in the crowd, his fears dissipated.

Unfortunately, even with all the crowd's screaming, the ringing in his head still remained as clear and dominant as ever.

* * *

"Hey, I love your YouTube videos! Can I have a picture?" The girl smiled excited and took a picture on her phone with the boy.

The boy smiled and nodded his head out of courtesy and kept walking down the line.

"Hey, oh my god, I know you from the Facebook group! I love your videos, man, have a good time at the show!" A college student called out towards the boy from his seat on the sidewalk in the immensely long line.

The boy simply smiled and nodded with a wave in response. He wished he could convey his thanks better, but he was always a bit shy to communicate with those he didn't know well. That trait contrasted with his outgoing personality, but his circumstances just dictated that, he guessed.

The boy was ecstatic though, not only for the concert of his favorite band, but the fact that two people already recognized him. It was a great feeling, he felt a sense of pride and being. He scanned the numerous fans in line as he walked for what seemed to be endless blocks. He knew this was an open venue and that there wasn't any assigned seating, so he hoped that he could somehow get a good view. But the further he walked, and the more people he saw, the smaller his hope became. 

After what felt like forever, the line moved bit by bit, and the boy finally entered the venue. There were already countless people around and about. Many of them were gathered by the stage. The boy immediately felt his heart sink, he wasn't going to get a very good view. He and his sister made their way to the closest spot by the stage (which wasn't that close, but it was the closest they could get). The boy leaned on the metal fence he stood next to, looking over all the people there. Everyone here shared in his love for twenty one pilots. They all had their stories, their connection to the band's music. He felt free in a sense, among all these people. After all, most of them were probably broken, just like him. There was something so incredibly unique about twenty one pilots' music. The lyrics resonated not just in sound, but also in heart and soul. They took on true meaning, and it was left so specific and yet so broad that it could be interpreted any which way. It could be transformed to any sort of cure and escape from their problems for just three to four minutes a song.

"Hey, isn't this the second stage?" His sister asked the boy. The boy finally looked at the small area within the confines of the fence. There was indeed a small stage with a piano and a drum-set. No.. This couldn't be it, could it? But he'd already been to another concert earlier in the summer, and Tyler and Josh did move from the main stage to a small one within the crowd in that show. The boy could hardly believe it. He was going to be mere inches away from Tyler and Josh. It was almost pure luck and fate. Upon this realization, the boy's hope began to expand and soar through the roof. He might've had a shitty and difficult view of the main stage, what with all the tall bodies in front of him, but he could at least be reassured in his heart that for just a few minutes tonight, he'd have a surreal and personal moment with his favorite duo. He was determined as all hell for them to notice him tonight.

He heard the opening song, Heavydirtysoul, and immediately looked towards the main stage. There they were... Tyler and Josh, both in their red suits and black ski-masks. The boy tried his best and scream at the top of his lungs and show his excitement, but it was a bit difficult with his limitation of being squished by other people. He looked back at the small stage and saw a man with a camera pointed at him. He assumed it was for a picture, so he hastily (and probably sloppily) put his fingers together in the twenty one pilots motion of two fingers and one across, smiling towards the camera. He heard the people next to him scream a name repeatedly. "Mark!"

The man, apparently named Mark, rested his camera on his shoulder and walked up to the boy, giving him a high-five. Not even five minutes into twenty one pilots' show and he was already delighted to learn he was standing right by the crowd stage, AND a member of the crew gave him a high-five! He assumed Mark was the tour's photographer, but he would later find out Mark was the big man behind Reel Bear Media.

Fast-forward an hour or so into the show, after a few songs from the lovable duo, and Tyler complimenting the highway above the stage, it was now time for Tyler and Josh to make their way to the small stage within the crowd. The boy immediately perked up, a huge smile on his face, he was about to try and get Tyler to notice him, surely he couldn't miss him. But a security guard quickly blocked the fans from Tyler until he got up on the small stage. They were both wearing the skeleton hoodies, but only Josh was facing the boy, with how the drum-set was positioned. And Tyler's back was to the boy as he started to play on the piano. They played a mesh of all their old songs. The boy hastily took out his iPod and took pictures and videos. Even though the whole crowd was loud and singing, that one boy was undoubtedly the loudest, even without sound. Tyler stood on top of his piano and sang. He was now facing the side the boy was on. The boy could've sworn that for a split second Tyler's eyes fell upon him. This motivated him to "sing" even louder and more passionately. He had all the lyrics memorized, and he was sure to stick out from the crowd. His hands were moving in the air, but they weren't moving in a beat to the song like everyone else's were. Usually in crowds, everyone's arms would either be moving to the beat or waving in the air with no real sense of meaning except to show that they were excited and supported. This boy's arms were constantly moving however, in different motions and a different brand of energy. It intrigued Tyler for half a second, and Josh too, looking up as he rocked out on the drums. But they quickly broke that thought as they looked at the rest of the crowd and continued performing.

* * *

The show ended with Trees as usual. Josh and Tyler threw their hands up in the air on the main stage, watching the red confetti rain down on the crowd. The crowd slowly dispersed, and the two boys made their way backstage and towards their trailers. 

"Tyler, you did great!" Josh draped his arm around his friend's neck with almost a bounce in his step.

"I messed up a few times, though."

"So, I didn't even notice. And everyone out there had a great time!" Josh beamed with a smile. "We deserve some dessert! Whaddya say?" Josh ran ahead and towards his trailer to get changed.

"Yeah.. I guess everyone did have a great time." Tyler walked towards his trailer alone. His footsteps were audible just a few moments ago, but now his world was plunged back into that auditory darkness again. The ringing in his head had returned. He couldn't shake off that image from earlier in the show.

A sort of purple helmet-like-device..

But more importantly, the way his arms moved. As if with purpose, with meaning. It seemed so familiar. He was sure he'd seen that before.

It was as if the boy was...

**Singing without words.**


	3. What I Know, I Must Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and the crew make their way down to North Carolina, with a few stops along the way.
> 
> But after stumbling upon something online, his whole view on the world and himself as a performer changes
> 
> And he'll be forced to change.

Everyone else was asleep in their bunks, everyone except Tyler. It was four in the morning, but Tyler was wide awake and on his laptop, sitting on the couch. His search history included the following:

_How to cure hearing loss_

_How does hearing go away_

_When will I regain my hearing_

_Audiologists_

_Best audiologists US_

He was determined to beat this.. whatever it was. Surely it was temporarily, right? 

_**You're worthless now, just shards of broken glass. And if you can't sing or play any instruments.. then you'll be letting them all down. You're their voice, Tyler, you supply them with the words they so desperately need as a reminder to stay afloat. But if you can't hear your own voice.. then how can anyone else? Give up. You can't fix this. You're getting exactly what you deserve, you worthless piece of disabled sh-** _

"Hey Tyler, what are you doing up so early?" Mark interrupted Tyler's onslaught of thoughts, rubbing his eyes as he sat down next to him. Mark peered over Tyler's shoulder, looking at the screen, seeing the google search results for audiologists. "You're really that worried?"

"I don't know. I just need some sort of answer, this music helps me and it helps so many others. I can't just let them down."

"You're not letting anyone down, Tyler." Mark sighed, looking at his friend before perking up a bit. "I was gonna show you and Josh later, but I think you could use some cheering up right now." Tyler responded with a confused expression on his face, one with a smile filled with uncertainty. "Just go on YouTube and search _Heathens twenty one pilots_ " Tyler did as he was told, and the very first video that popped up was their music video.

"It looked great!" Tyler said after the video ended.

"Surprisingly, you can rock yellow." Mark chuckled, but it barely elicited a smile from Tyler's lips. Truth be told, he was only half paying attention to the music video. There was an image he saw from the search results, one that seemed oddly familiar. He clicked the back arrow to go back to the search results for _Heathens twenty one pilots_.

There it was, just a few spots below the music video. A guy wearing some sort of purple device with his hand closed and near his forehead in the thumbnail, almost like he was saluting. The title was "Heathens" - Twenty One Pilots ASL Cover. What the heck was an ASL Cover? He clicked on the video, which started with just the same title from before, and then a short click of Deadshot and El Diablo from Suicide Squad? Pretty creative, Tyler couldn't help but crack a smile at the intro. Then his smile slowly faded away. _"All my friends are heathens take it slow.."_ it wasn't even being spoken, it was still his voice in the video singing it. But the guy was moving his hands perfectly to the tempo of the song, and each movement seemed to exhibit some sort of meaning. Mark was watching the video Tyler's eyes were peeled to, and he noticed Tyler's hands. Whether he was consciously aware of it or not, his hands were discreetly trying to imitate what he saw in the video.

The video concluded with a snippet of Joker's laugh in the background. Mark had to admire the creativity, timing, and placement of the Suicide Squad clips. "Do you know what ASL is?" Tyler suddenly asked Mark, though his eyes were still glued to the screen.

"Um, I'm not sure, man. Kind of sounds like ALS? But that's Lou Gehrig Disease so that doesn't make any sense. Mayb-"

"It stands for American Sign Language!" Tyler interrupted, a tad bit excitedly. "I mean I knew what sign language was, but I didn't know there was American Sign Language?" Tyler's eyes scanned the google definition. " _a form of sign language developed in the US and used also in English-speaking parts of Canada."_ and by now there was a smile on his face. "Apparently this is the form of sign language a lot of people around the world use? Like English basically."

"Tyler it's 4:30 in the morning, you need sleep." Mark stood up off the couch, sighing.

"Andy Signs.."

"What?" Mark barely heard Tyler's mumbling.

"Andy Signs. That's the name of the guy." Tyler clicked on the about section of the YouTube channel. " _A Deaf/Hard of Hearing guy spreading American SIgn Language and Deaf Culture in his ASL cover videos and tutorials! Enjoy and please subscribe!"_

"Oh, he's Deaf? That's pretty cool." Mark smiled, but then yawned.

"Yeah he's Deaf, but did you even hear what i said? 'Spreading American Sign Language and Deaf Culture..' there's a whole culture, Mark!" Tyler was getting excited now, if this Andy guy could still find a way to enjoy and "sing" music, then why couldn't he?

Mark frowned looking at his friend. Was all of this cool and interesting? Sure. But they didn't know if Tyler's hearing loss was going to get any worse. For all they knew this thing could just be temporary. "Tyler, go to bed. Please."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll go to bed in a minute." Mark shook his head at Tyler's response, before heading off towards the bunks and crawling into his own, leaving Tyler alone.

Except for the fact that Tyler wasn't alone. he had this whole new world opening up right in front of him. This Andy Signs was at _his_ show, _signing_ his heart out. He scrolled through the comments, trying to learn more about this guy. Okay so he's 16, can't speak, has a syndrome called Goldenhar Syndrome.

Wait.

He can't speak?

Tyler was dumbfounded and even a bit embarrassed. Here he was torturing himself and feeling sorry, when he could actually speak. Andy couldn't even speak, but he's still singing the music in his own way. All Tyler had to deal with so far was a few pitch screw-ups and slurring his words slightly. He decided to look at his popular videos, and saw the top was Kitchen Sink.

Kitchen Sink, a song that was mostly rap by him, and then super speed rap by his brother Zack, and Andy somehow _signed_ it? He had to see this to believe it. _"A Kitchen Sink to you, is not a Kitchen Sink to me, okay friend?"_ Tyler began to see this line in a different light, from Andy's perspective perhaps. Deafness to a lot of people was seen as a disability or a step-down from normalcy. It was seen almost like a form of suffering. That's exactly how Tyler perceived it, that's how he felt. He felt as though he was being robbed of his life, the color in his life was draining. But while a Kitchen Sink to Tyler was suffering, a Kitchen Sink to Andy was a culture, a language, a new perspective, a form of art, who he was.

Then Zack's rap came on.

Holy dipcrap.

His hands were moving at super sonic speed, yet still maintaining the tempo and transitioning from one word to the next. Tyler was blown away not just by the talent, but the pride. This kid was so proud of who he was, of being Deaf. Just like how Tyler used verbal words to express himself and his thoughts, Andy was using his hands to do the exact same. But there was something about sign language which just seemed to.. reveal more. Sign Language was more than just using your hands, it was about using facial expressions and body language. All of Andy's covers seemed to tell a story, paint the emotions right in front of you visually.

Kitchen Sink ended, and Tyler was left sitting there hopeful and changed.

One more video wouldn't hurt, right?

* * *

Jenna stretched in her bunk and slid off, standing on the small hallway of the tour bus. She was wearing a t-shirt and Tyler's hoodie as well as sweatpants. She brushed her hand through her hair before walking out into the lounge area. She was surprised to see Tyler awake first and sitting on the couch. She was even more surprised and confused when he started moving his hands at her. 

She chuckled, with a confused smile. "What?"

"Hey" Tyler waved his hand. "J-E-N-N-A" His hand thoughtfully and carefully moved from his pinky in a 'J' motion, to his fingers scrunched down with his thumb across for 'E' to his index and middle fingers over his thumb for 'N' twice, and finally his fingers curled down with his thumb resting at the side for 'A'. One hand went from his chin to the palm of his other hand for "Good". and then one arm moved upwards with the other arm in the spot where the elbow was for "Morning". And then finally one hand curled down the middle and ring fingers, with the index and pinky and thumb sticking up for "I Love You".

"Hey Jenna, good morning, I love you!" Tyler had a beaming smile, proud that he was able to sign that to his beautiful wife.

"Was that sign language?" Jenna sat down next to Tyler, kissing him on the cheek. "I didn't know you knew how to sign?"

"I've been teaching myself. Mostly through different websites, but Andy's videos have helped too!"

"Who's Andy?" Josh asked with a yawn as he walked up towards the newly-wed couple. His pink hair was frizzy and somewhat plastered down on his forehead. His genuine smile with gleaming white teeth was quickly replaced by the confused half smile Jenna wore just moments before. He was greeted by moving hands from Tyler.

"Hey" Another wave. "J-O-S-H" Another pinky finger up in a 'J' motion, one hand circled in an 'O', his hand looked similar to 'A' but his thumb was curled around the front instead of the side for 'S' and then his hand had the index and middle fingers pointed to the side while his thumb was pointed up almost like a gun shape for 'H'.

"I said hey Josh!" Tyler smiled at his best friend.

"Oh." Josh rubbed the back of his neck. "Why didn't you just say that?"

"Signing it is cooler." Tyler shrugged and set the laptop aside, standing up. There was a deep impression in the sofa where he was sitting.

"Tyler.. how long have you been up?" Jenna asked with obvious concern in her voice.

"I don't know, like since four in the morning?" He was so nonchalant about it as he went to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

"Tyler, you need sleep! Do you even know what time it is?" Tyler's wife stood up and crossed her arms.

"Uh.. It's... time to learn some more ASL?" Tyler grinned, shrugging his shoulders.

"What? No! It's 11 AM! You need sleep, honey."

Tyler's index and middle fingers were pressed together as they both tapped down on his thumb. "No." Tyler said after signing it.

Jenna rolled his eyes and glared at Josh.

"What are you looking at me for?!"

"You're his best friend, help me drag him to bed and force him to go to sleep, or at the very least talk some sense into him!"

"I don't think you can force anyone to sleep unless you used chloroform.." Josh's half-cocked smile, but seeing that Jenna didn't like his smartass reply, he cleared his throat.

"Ty-Wait, where'd he go?"

While his wife and best friend were bickering, Tyler realized the tour bus had stopped somewhere in Morgantown, West Virginia. He walked out the bus, donning his black hoodie and a cap as well as some hastily put on jeans. He needed to be away from everyone for a moment, and there was a patch of grass by the gas station they were parked at. He sat there cross-legged and started to think. It was ironic, he was getting away from all the sounds inside the tour bus and sought silence and peace. If he was truly becoming deaf, then maybe it was time to embrace it. When he spoke, it wasn't great, he couldn't hear if he was holding the sound out long enough or what volume he was speaking at. Even just signing those few words to Jenna and Josh a few minutes ago felt strangely freeing. He could speak without any flaw, no squeaking from his voice, no screw-ups. Maybe instead of trying to scramble around and fix this, it was time to use it to his advantage.

Being Deaf to everyone inside that tour bus, and all his friends, family, was a sickness, a disability, a flaw. But being Deaf to Tyler and Andy was a different perspective on the world, a culture.

Everyone has their own Kitchen Sink.

And Tyler just found his new Kitchen Sink.

When he walked back inside the tour bus, the sounds around him dulled and diminished, it was again like being underwater. But instead of everything feeling like it was in black and white, instead of panicking, Tyler realized he could 'see' better. He saw his hands more clearly. He could focus on his emotions better, there were no voices or sounds to distract him. His eyes adjusted to the loss of his other sense, focusing on his hands. He could see the flow, the transition, how each of his ten fingers, his two hands and arms, moved together in different motions to create words, create meaning.

He walked to the back of the tour bus and stepped inside the bathroom, staring at the mirror.

One palm tapped his chest.

"My"

Both hands had just the index and middle fingers pressed together, one tapping on top of the other.

"Name"

He turned one hand into a fist, but with the thumb sticking up between the index and middle finger.

'T'

One hand had all his fingers curled down except for the pinky and thumb.

"Y'

His hand did an 'L' shape with the index and thumb.

'L'

His fingers curled down with the thumb curled beneath them.

'E'

He crossed his index over his middle finger.

'R'

One hand moved across in front of his chest, starting open, and then shutting closed with the fingers closing on the thumb.

"And"

One finger pointed at his chest.

"I'm"

Was he really doing this? It felt.. right somehow. He could no longer live in fear of who he was becoming. He needed to accept it, he wanted to. Everything he knew or thought he knew before about his world was changing, and he had to change with it. Tyler had to embrace who he was.

His index finger touched the bottom of his ear and jumped down to the corner of his lips.

"Deaf"

"My name's Tyler and I'm Deaf."

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in the twenty one pilots fandom! I'm deaf/hard-of-hearing and I do American Sign Language covers on Youtube under Andy Signs. I wanted to put a new perspective because deaf culture and what ASL is about really goes great with the meanings behind tøp's songs and their movements. We'll just see how this goes. Enjoy!


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